A perfect balance of free play and care times

In response to our recent post (Free Play) we have received a few comments from people suggesting that allowing children to play freely, without our directions, suggestions and guidance (as in our example with the cup, when a child comes running to you with a cup and rather than prompt what it is, or suggest what to do with it you… wait) might mean losing out on numerous valuable teaching opportunities. We respectfully disagree, and here is why…

First of all, let us clarify this: we are not suggesting that children should be left alone to figure out the world, without our help, assistance and presence. Even in play, it is great if we can be around to observe and help when needed. If we can be present, we can then be invited to participate and follow our child’s lead, making sure that the game is their, not our, invention.

But then again – do children need our guidance in figuring out the rules of this daily game of life? Sure. Do they need our modeling of certain socially acceptable behaviors, and our help in acquiring them? Of course. But does this mean we need to do all of this guiding, teaching and modeling while they are engrossed in play? We think not.

Even with very small babies there are plentiful other opportunities that will allow us to do all that guiding, teaching and modelling, and yet leave their play to them. If we allow ourselves to see all those moments, we can then happily sit back and observe how they spread the wings of their imagination, and let the cup be a flying saucer, a turtle, or their best friend.

We believe that the moments of care (feeding, dressing, changing etc.) are those times when we can ask for collaboration and lead, while playtime is the time when we can step back and follow.

This allows us and our children to have the balance we want (and need). To connect in times when we need to be there. To guide and model, and ask for cooperation. To teach the rules of the game. But at the same time, play remains play. No hidden agendas, no teaching language, social skills, or numbers, no jumping the line.

Lead and ask for collaboration in care moments

‘Many people may believe – perhaps […] due to […] taking obedience for cooperation […] – that the cooperation of the infant and young child (in fact his obedience) is important […] because in this way, they can learn quicker how to dress, undress and wash by themselves; and once it runs in his blood in what order he is requested to reach out his hand and feet, he will stretch then out even before he is asked to; once he knows how to take off his T-shirt, how to put on his trousers, the time required for the care activities can be shortened down, and the child will become independent sooner. And by all this […] time that can be devoted to “more useful”, “more noble” goals: like being “engaged” with the child, playing together etc. can be saved’ (Maria Vincze, MD, ‘The meaning of cooperation during care dressing on the diapering table, dressing table, cushion’) [italics ours]

All too often we try to rush through moments of care in order to engage with our children in play. And all too often we want to be so engaged in our children’s play that it might become our play, or that play changes into fulfilling our agendas (like teaching words, letters, numbers etc.). If, however, we choose to see moments of care as equally valuable to all the other moments when we can be with our children, they provide a world of opportunities for all this guiding and teaching we want to do. It is in our nature to want to teach, and want to share what we know.

What can happen in moments of care, if we are fully present, connected and don’t feel the need to rush? We can teach our children:

Lots of language (possibilities are endless!)
How to cooperate
What is ok and what is not
Some social expectations
Respect for their own bodies (and, by extension, those of other people)
What our expectations are, and how far they can push the boundaries (and they can test and test and test…)
How to try again and again
How to approach a problem
How to enjoy being with other people
Respect

In other words, we can give them roots.

Follow and collaborate in play

If we do all that, or maybe if we realize that we are already doing all of that, perhaps the pressure will lift and we can give the babies back their sacred time of play. We will no longer feel the need to teach, lead, model and guide when they play – we are already doing all that in times of care, in those times that are equally valuable, and that provide us with endless opportunities to do just that.

So, is there anything we need to do when our children play? Yes – be there.

If a child is to keep his inborn sense of wonder, he needs the companionship of at least one adult who can share it, rediscovering with him the joy, excitement and mystery of the world we live in. (Rachel Carson)

If we are there, present and observing, waiting rather than jumping in with our hidden agendas, our children can learn:

That because they are important to us, whatever they are interested in is also interesting to us
That their ideas are valuable
That their ideas are not wrong, or inappropriate, and that they can share them with us
That dreaming is great, and making things up is even better
That there is not only one correct solution to any given problem
Taking lead, sharing and inviting others to join
Respect

In other words, we can give them wings.

So yes, we don’t think children need our guidance or our teaching when they play. They need our presence.

What do you think? We LOVE to hear your thoughts!

Anna & Nadine

More interesting, related reading:

A recent article reporting a study on children’s response to directiveness of mothers in play (among other things) is here.
The link to the original article is here.
‘Ten commandments of play based learning’ from Emily at Abundant Life Children is here.

 


 

 

 

Free Play

Over the past few weeks we have been having conversations with lots of people about what it really means to play freely, and what free play is. And why it’s so important. And how to make sure our babies get lots of it. And maybe that we get some ourselves. And why… Can you tell this is one of our favourite things to talk and write about?

More and more research is being published (and hopefully much more is being conducted) that talks about the value of play for children’s development, learning and later life choices. There are many ways to talk about and define play. Our understanding of Free Play comes from the work of Dr Emmi Pikler and later Magda Gerber. And it seems we need to clarify what we mean by this :)

What is Free Play?

We believe there are three key elements to this kind of play – three things that identify play as free:

  • It is self-initiated. Humans have the innate need to play. Babies seem to know what they want to play with, how they want to go about it, and what challenges they are ready for. Self-initiated play means allowing the baby to start their own play in their own way. Without suggesting the toys, placing a new rattle in their tiny hand. Sounds easier than it is done, and we have found this one to be particularly hard for a lot of people, especially parents of newborns and small infants – we often, almost intuitively, want to entertain, to provide, to suggest and to offer toys. If instead we let our babies explore on their own, we can find that what they see as play is not what we would do at all – but we can so easily get drawn into their incredible world of discovery.
  •  It is self-directed. When a toddler runs to us with a cup in his hand, it is nearly impossible (Anna still learning this one!!!) not to jump up and say: ‘Oh, are we having tea?’ But maybe we’re not having tea. Maybe that cup is a flying saucer, or a duck (that’s right!), or maybe he was running to you to tell you he knows what colour it is. Here is the time to explore one of the many ways to use the magical parenting word: wait. Wait and see what happens. Wait for the discovery that your child is making right now to happen, and the joy to appear on his face. Wait for his ideas (not yours) to flourish one after another. Join in and follow, but try not to lead. Be the cast, not the director.
  • It is self-paced. When enough is enough, let it be. Try not to encourage one more try to reach that ball, one more stretch. Babies know how to set their challenges, and in time they will learn to pick their battles, and learn how important it is to know what they can and cannot do. And when. When it’s nearly time to go and they are still engrossed in play, warn them in time, so they are given a chance to finish.

Why is it so important?

If play is self-initiated, babies have a chance to discover the world at their pace. They know their bodies and their interests at any given stage better than we do – after all, they get to live with them. And by letting them choose their own play (even if sometimes we are not sure what it is they are doing, and feel like we would have a better idea of what to put on top of that basket… you know what I’m talking about :)), we are watching as they learn all about their own interests, passions, about the world around, their bodies and set up new and exciting challenges for themselves.

If play is self-directed, our kids have a chance to learn about their own interests, but also limitations. They are able to explore their imagination to its fullest, without us giving them ideas and guessing what it is they are trying to do. They are given a chance to surprise us.

If play is self-paced, we are letting them stop when they want to stop, or change direction when they need to recharge or focus on something else – they are learning when to keep going and when to move on to something else. When to take a break. And when to call it quits. We cannot learn it for them (sometimes we can learn it from them though!)

Mama Nadine just had her little baby Mona two weeks ago, and she is once again discovering the joys of watching a newborn play :) How do your babies play? What is their favourite thing to observe, explore, attempt to do right now? We LOVE to hear from you!

Anna & Nadine

The Healing Power of Play

One afternoon Antek woke up from his nap, had something to eat and went to play in his room. I peeked in to see what was going on, and I noticed he kept throwing his teddy on the floor, then picking it up and throwing it again. He doesn’t usually throw toys, so it had me wonder. I moved closer and was listening. ‘You fell down. It hurt’ he said picking the teddy from the floor. ‘Do you want a hug?’ A little break and the cycle went on again. And again, and again. Until he had enough and moved on to play with his cars. Later in the evening, my husband told me Antek had fallen down on the playground and cried for quite a long time – nothing major happened, but clearly it had upset him quite a lot.

It is often difficult for children to express what they feel. It is probably often difficult for adults, as well. But there is a lot going on emotionally we are working through all the time, and we need tools to deal with it. For children, one of these tools can be FREE PLAY. Free, that is self-initiated, self-led and uninterrupted (as intended by Dr Emmi Pikler and Magda Gerber). Of course going through big emotions more often than not requires our (adults’) help. Again, it does not mean to leave the children alone at all times, and let them figure out the world without our guidance – it simply means to be sensitive to when and how to allow play to be a healing tool without jumping right in with our assumptions and expectations.

Given time and space, children, scratch that – people, who are nurtured and whose needs are met, can on a lot of occasions work through their own problems in their own play. Or in their own way. We talk, if we can. We doodle on a piece of paper for hours. We kick things. We scream. We run, or go outside. We lie in the grass, go hug trees, go for a swim. Kids also work through their emotions in a way which helps them cope and understand.

If nobody steps in to stop or ‘help’ in the process, the play itself can sometimes become a self-organized therapeutic tool. There were definitely some emotions with Antek falling down that day. He got hurt. He didn’t like it. He was surprised how much his knee hurt. Had anyone stepped in to stop the throwing, or to ask what happened, the process of going through this could have been stopped.

We have both seen it happen with our children, and time and time again it is incredible to see how capable they are in working through their feelings, fears and doubts. How does the healing power of play work, when we look at FREE PLAY as a tool for dealing with emotions? Here are two things we have noticed:

Understanding and re-living reality

In one of the videos from the Pikler home, there is a scene with one little boy who keeps hiding his toys up really high, where he can barely reach them. He then walks away, looks at the shelf, and comes back to try and reach for the toys. He does that several times, always making sure he cannot see them, and then always returning to make sure they are there.

This little boy, we were told, had not been there for too long. It was still the time when Pikler home was an orphanage. His parents, who could not care for him at the time, came to visit him every week for a little while. After they’d left, he immediately went to play his ‘game’ of hide-and-seek.

Why is this interesting? Perhaps because of the amazing connection this little boy was making between his parents disappearing every week, to appear in the next. Perhaps this game helped him to understand reality, and reassured him that things that go out of sight can be brought back. Perhaps he was testing the permanence of objects, which had affected his life to such a great extent – his parents were constantly in and out of his sight, after all.

Practicing to deal with fear

We have already talked about Antek’s fear of planes, and how he managed to combat it by practicing getting into and out of the plane, sitting down, preparing his bag (http://mamas-in-the-making.com/2012/10/our-boys-and-their-toys/). Going over some things children are afraid of, or have doubts about, often appears in play as a way of making them familiar.

A lot of our fears are born out of a fear of the unknown. If we know what is coming, we can prepare – which is why talking to our babies (even very small) through the events of daily life helps so much in the long run – it makes the world a little more predictable, and through that, less scary.

In their play we often see children doing something over and over, repeating certain actions – sometimes we can make a clear connection to a real-life event (like getting on a plane, or going to the doctor), and sometimes it is too abstract for us to see. But if we manage to allow our babies to develop the habit of free play, they will also use it to deal with their fear of the unknown – by finding their own ways of making it known and familiar.

Have you noticed your child dealing with emotions, fears, or reliving past events in their play? We love to hear your thoughts!

Anna & Nadine

More reading:

Janet Lansbury talks about ways to encourage free play as a tool for self-therapy here.

 

 

 

No risk, no fun

The other day I was at the playground with Leander who had just started enjoying the slides. So he was busy climbing up the frames or walking up the slides. At some point I watched a woman standing behind him, holding her hands to protect him – my son – from falling down. When he was up there safely she walked around and stood at the bottom of the slides – to “catch” him. As I was just somewhere between stunned and surprised I didn’t say anything, just watched her. Leander went down the slide and she helped him get off. While she did so her own son – age 6 or 7 – climbed up the frame. Slipped. And fell to the ground.

It was a very strange scene to watch. And obviously it did lead to the conclusion that this mother has – with the same behaviour she exhibited towards Leander – saved her own son from taking risks and – in the end – led him to experience such accidents later. If we are always around, surround our kids with the safety of our hands and arms and hinder any fall – they will not learn to estimate heights and distances, risks and what they are capable of doing. And what not. When in a new situation, they will look to us for help. But what if we’re not there to save them? And of course, we cannot always be.

This does of course not mean we let our children run around and not care at all. Streets are dangerous. Stairs too. Here our gentle guidance is inevitable. There is a middle ground between too much control, and none at all – even though in the media (and on some parenting forums!) it would appear that our choices are ‘white’ or ‘black’, ‘helicopter’ or ‘neglect’, ‘authoritarian’ or ‘permissive’, there are in fact a million shades of grey in between. We believe the same is true for risky play.

So all we have to do is to provide a safe play area for kids to explore. In the house, but also outside. We try to choose playgrounds that are made for children our age; use a stroller for long distances along big roads; provide a safe area in which our boys are free to explore. Because only then, once they are free to explore without our constant worry or our ‘saving’ arms, they are free to really learn. And this is when we can step back and learn to trust.

Learning to fall, Learning to trust

Risks are part of the game. As soon as babies begin to move around freely they start taking risks. They roll over one side without knowing what will happen when they are on the other side – on their belly. Their head is still heavy and difficult to control, and usually the first rolling over is followed by a bang on the floor or surface underneath. A crucial moment. Do I jump in and support him, place blankets and mattresses everywhere so he won‘t hurt? Or do I let him learn the Art of Falling? It is not an easy moment for babies and parents, but this is when we make big choices – how do I want my child to feel in the world? Confident and able or helpless and uncertain? And if I ‘save’ him now, am I saving him from all future falls? All bad decisions? Or…

The head to floor distance grows as the children grow and develop. First it is tiny, there might be a bang on the floor when they hit it for the first time, and of course this upsets them (and us!). But if we gently observe and explain, we will see that the second, maybe third time there is indeed… no bang at all. We will be left to admire how skilfully our child has figured out how to support his head, so he doesn’t hit the floor. How they gently pull the shoulder backwards, work those neck muscles, lift the head a bit higher, hold it at just the right height – this is truly art. And to know your own body so well is empowering, and so it gives them courage and confidence to move to the next step. So the earlier we start letting them learn to fall, the earlier we can learn to trust them. And allow them to learn to trust themselves – what a great gift to give, don’t you think?

Let them choose

First step in an unknown situation is usually: Do I WANT to try this? Do I want to climb up there at all? In other words – Am I ready? And we can’t know if our child is ready – only the child knows that. Only he knows if he has the courage, ability, strength and will to try this thing he’s never tried, and only he knows if he can try it right now. You see many parents arriving at the playground, lifting their kids out of the stroller and leading them around the space. “Come on, let‘s slide. It‘s fun!“ Without even once asking the child if she wants to.

When letting your child choose for themselves they might not look at the slide for a long time. This was the case with both of our boys – long looks in the direction of the slide, but no clear sign that they feel they want to go ahead. And then, one day, they walk over and have a closer look. Often the steps up are much more interesting than the slide down. So they start climbing up. If the steps are small enough for them they might go up all the way. If the space between steps is too high, they might try and try. Might struggle and complain. Or simply step back down. All of this is ok and part of the process. Part of learning what they are capable of. And what not.

We shouldn‘t talk them into doing it. All we can do is narrating. ‘I see you want to go all the way up there.’ Quite often this is enough. No need to comment that it‘s too high, they are too small or “not ready yet.“ All of this would discourage them and judge their capabilities that – seriously – we quite often underestimate. More often than not they know better than we do what they are and are not capable of doing.

If the child comes back down – we don‘t need to comment on that. Because she just went back to her own safety zone – she knew what she needed to do to feel safe again. If she won‘t come down but starts to cry or complain you can continue to narrate: ‘You are trying really hard to get up there. I see that.‘ And at some point she will ask for help or we offer help by asking: ‘Do you need my help?’ Usually they want help that moves them up. But that‘s not help, that‘s dangerous. Because this is jumping developmental steps – she will be higher than she can get to herself, which means she will have no idea how high she really is. And you will have taken away from the success that is yet to come and be her own – climbing all the way up by herself. Because surely, sooner or later, she will get there. When she is ready. Simply take her down and explain: ‘I will take you back down now because you got stuck.‘ And then see if she wants to try again or run off and do something else.

Don’t instruct

Imagine you climbed a really long ladder to paint the walls in your house. You are up there and suddenly you feel unsafe. You want to come down but the whole thing is shaking. Your legs are shaking and you are scared of bending down because the ladder could fall under the shift of weight. Down at the bottom of the stairs you see your partner, who says: ‘Just take your right foot one step down.‘ and grabs it. Don‘t you want to yell at him ‘I can‘t! It‘s too shaky!‘ and at the same time shake off his hand from your foot? Because from the safety down there on the ground this person can‘t possibly feel the fear you are going through up there. And even if he can – he would certainly do things differently on the way down. He might take the right foot first, you‘d prefer the left. He might take two steps at once. You want to go one step at a time. Always starting with the left. Very slowly. He might jump the last 3 steps. You will not relax until you are down on the floor.

If a child is allowed to climb up somewhere on his own once he is ready for it, he will find his way of getting back down at some point too. Until then – we do not guide. Not explain what to do. We‘ll simply offer help and take them back DOWN.

Let them be, but not alone

So the golden rule is to let them explore without leaving them alone. To be there but not in their way. To watch and observe without distracting them.

Our balance is partly situated in our inner ear. ‘Balance is a choreographed arrangement that takes sensory information from a variety of organs and integrates it to tell the body where it is in related to gravity and the earth.’ (http://www.medicinenet.com/script/main/art.asp?articlekey=21685). Balance is a combination of what the work done by your ears, your eyes and your brain. It is our inner instinct to shout and yell “Be careful!“ or “Watch out!“ But it‘s exactly these moments when children do fall. Because at that very moment they stop being careful. Because they heard us shout and turned their heads and attention towards us and away from what they were carefully doing. Because we are taking away the attention of their ear, which should at that moment be busy balancing.

The more you watch your child carefully the more you will learn that in fact he is taking care of himself. So don‘t just step back and let them be. Watch from a distance. Surround them with trust and jump in when they do fall. Help them out of a difficult situation when they ask you to.

Learning to assess risk is learning to judge reality; it is learning what we can and cannot do; it is, above all, learning what to do in a situation when we don’t know what to do. This is a great skill, one that is useful in just about everything we can think of. Knowing how to look at dangerous situations and figuring out what to do to stay safe is definitely something we want our children to learn. Knowing when it is worth making that extra step to the other side might be one of the things that will determine how they fare in life. Essentially, knowing how to take risks means also knowing how to stay safe… most of the time. After all – sometimes risking in life is exactly what allows us to go where we need to go, and maybe find our own path.

Man cannot discover new oceans, unless he has the courage to lose sight of the shore. (Andre Gide)

For more reading on risk go to:

Aunt Annie’s fabulous website and read these fantastic posts:

http://auntannieschildcare.blogspot.nl/2011/10/reaping-rewards-of-risk.html
http://auntannieschildcare.blogspot.nl/2012/03/turning-parents-on-to-risky-play.html

http://auntannieschildcare.blogspot.nl/2012/06/good-news-about-risky-play-where-magic.html

and also:

http://www.guardian.co.uk/education/2008/aug/03/schools.children

http://www.theglobeandmail.com/life/the-hot-button/risky-play-is-good-for-kids-even-if-they-break-an-arm-researchers-say/article4615207/

 

 

The urge to play

Our boys are now over two. A lot has changed since they were born, and their life (and our too) has been influenced by many wonderful people, ideas and thoughtful conversations. One thing that never changes – we still love watching them play, and we still admire how much is hidden under this one tiny umbrella term – PLAY. Learning, discovery, experimenting, mastering, hypothesizing, trying out, compromising… you name it, it is all there – in their play. Here and here we talked about what play looks like for children until 1. So, what do toddlers do when they play?

Well basically – Play can be divided in two. On one hand children play to follow their needs. They are driven by some inner urge that is almost impossible to resist. On the other hand – there are the toys that mainly we provide. And the child, following Heinrich Jacoby, asks: ,Thing – what do you want from me?‘ and explores what he can do with it.

In this post we want to talk about the first part of play – the one driven by needs and urges. All the things that are so important for our children, their healthy development and later life, that happen during play in these first years. And in the next we will have a closer look at what toys we can offer that allow a child to ask: ,What do you want from me?‘ rather than ,What am I supposed to do with that?‘

Developmental steps, schemas, needs and urges

Children at every stage of their development have certain needs that emerge within their bodies, in connection with their brain, and which they have to follow. It might be that „your toddler’s desire to climb makes you want to climb walls“, but it is not something they are doing on purpose, and asking them to stop is futile – the urge is stronger, and more importantly – it’s necessary.

I remember looking at Antek standing at the edge of a huge puddle, looking at it. You could see the struggle – he knew he could not go in, but this urge to go in was so strong, it was almost painful to watch. Finally very slowly he walked around it. (Anna)

Surely you have seen a ton of moments like this. The developmental urges are similar, only stronger – the body wants what it wants, and not only that. These are all the things that the little body needs to do, for the big body to later fare well in life. Knowing what these things are can help us in finding safe ways for our children to explore the world, do what they need to do, all the while making sure they are safe and happy. Recognizing those urges in our children’s play not only allows us to offer safe ways to fulfill their body’s needs (‘I know you want to climb, but I cannot let you climb on the table. Why don’t we go outside and find something you can climb on.’), but it also gives us as parents a unique view on their developing bodies and minds. It is easy to say that we should observe children at play, but hard to do when we don’t know what we’re looking at (http://everymomentisright.blogspot.nl/2011/09/day-in-life-of-scientist.html) – it takes time, trust and practice. Knowing a little bit more about the natural ways in which children develop gives us more joy in observing them as well.

We also believe that the best toys (or, as Magda Gerber called them – play objects) to best support toddlers in these activities are exactly the simple, open-ended toys you don’t need to spend a fortune on, some of them you might already have, and a lot of them you could even find interesting to play with (more on that in the next post)!

So, first things first, what are these urges?

Some of these actions have been well discussed and classified under the common heading schemasSchemas are all those behaviors and actions we see our children repeating over and over, in a variety of settings, using a number of different things. Sometimes they appear as a single action, sometimes a child is particularly interested in one, sometimes they are joined and combined together – like pieces of a puzzle. They are:

Transporting

Carrying things around, from place to place. Moving objects from place to place. Carrying things in your hands one at a time, or all at once. Perhaps filling a toy truck and going around with the load.

Enveloping

Covering themselves, each other, other things, hiding. Pulling a sleeve over their hand so it disappears. Playing peek-a-boo. Hiding in small spaces, maybe climbing into a box and sitting there. Or sitting under a blanket. Covering your face, their own face – this can turn into a game where you also are invited to participate

Containing

Putting things into other things and then taking them out, filling containers, putting their thumb into their mouth and taking it out. Pouring water into a cup, and then into another cup, and another… stuffing all the toys in one box, bag or basket.

Rotating

Making circular movements with things, walking around something, spinning toys, turning around, watching the washing machine.

Connection

Joining toys in a long line, joining train tracks. Making a long line of toys and then rearranging them. Putting blocks on top of one another, or in a line.

Positioning

Finding a place for something or oneself, putting things on their heads, placing things one on top of the other. Rearranging toys, books, things on the table. Perhaps putting forks next to placemats before dinner time?

Apart from these schemas, there are also things we often see our kids doing frequently – some kids will do one, some all of them, some will prefer one to the other. The things we noticed with our boys were:

Climbing

This is probably the most challenging activity for us as adults. Because children don‘t just climb onto a chair or a sofa. They move things around to climb even higher. Because we hide things from them by putting them into heights they can‘t reach. And therefore make these more attractive. (Not to mention the fear of them falling – but that is another topic we will discuss at some point later). But remember that climbing is a strong urge (see Lisa Sunbury’s post we mentioned earlier), and such an important one too! Not only for their cognitive and physical development – think of the pride and joy they can experience reaching such great heights all by themselves.

 

One morning I opened my eyes and found Leander sitting on the work surface in the kitchen. He had climbed onto the chair, from there onto the kitchen table and just another step onto the higher surface. There he was happily pouring maple syrup all over the place. I couldn‘t even be mad. I had to laugh about my own silliness of believing that ANYTHING would be safe up there. (Nadine)

Pushing and pulling 

Especially when learning to walk children quite often reach forsupport that helps them

walk. Instead of buying dangerous walkers that gain speed they can‘t control kids find themselves furnishings, boxes or big objects they can push around. Once they are able to walk it becomes more interesting to pull things. It keeps them busy and they have the feeling of actually working.

 

 

 

Gathering, collecting and categorizing

This, of course, is a development of schemas as well. Eva Kallo talks about this as a phase of development in her book ‘The Origins of Free Play’

‘In the collection process, the child discovers by searching through and choosing among various objects that there are differences among them and notices their particulars. When he compares things, he notices their shape and disparate properties, and as he puts them together, he takes care to group them according to common feature. Examination, comparison, abstracting certain properties and disregarding others, grouping them by feature, all are intellectual processes repeatedly evidenced by children engaged in collecting, whereby perception and action remain closely linked.’ (Eva Kallo, ‘The Origins of Free Play’)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

In the first stage of their interest in collecting, children begin to gather together toys that are identical, to later start putting them together in line, or alongside one another. At this point it is important to have more than one of something within reach or in sight. This later develops into categorizing objects, putting them into containers or in piles, depending on their shape, colour, size etc. (we talked about this also with our boys and their favourite cars. Only later on the child begins to also be interested in the result – at first you will probably see collecting to fill a box, but later he might also keep the box close by as a sign of what he has accomplished.

Knowing what these urges are, and that it would be near impossible (and also possibly harmful) to control them, helps us parents to allow our children to safely explore what they need to explore. The action in itself is most of the time not as important as the child’s need to fulfill the urge – knowing what these urges are allows us to see them as learning experience, rather than perhaps some unwanted behavior (such as climbing dangerous places, pouring water out of the cup etc.).

So before you head to the toy store – think of what is actually in your house. Or don‘t even think and let your child explore. That a laundry basket is great for climbing in and out, for putting things inside or pushing it around the room. That a shopping bag is not just for emptying but also for putting all the things back inside (you might not see much of your shopping for an hour after you got home). And that pots, bowls and Tupperware make great hats – more on that in our next post!

And before you leave the house with a toddler – make sure you have got a spare set of socks and shoes (or waterproof boots). Because these puddles ARE very very tempting!